sometimes being the good friend means biting your tongue - literally

I've occasionally referenced my friend R, usually in passing and in connection to something else. Her boss and job are shortly moving states (as I might be if something job-related doesn't materialize RDSN). Her boss has put her in charge not only of moving her own household stuff, but being the primary person in charge of sorting out what pieces of lab equipment were purchased explicitly with grant money and coordinating the entire move of the lab. (Their employer is being an ass about the normal practice when researchers move from one university to another and not allowing them to take financial credit for things purchased with institutional dollars that are remaining behind.) All on top of her needing to try to get her normal job done, because there's an annual conference next month where her boss wants to pitch something she's been working on to a European company.Needless to say, at game night last night she was complaining about her stress level.What I probably haven't been specific about here is that I happen to like her a lot. I got concert tickets (Capitol Steps) as a Christmas present a little while after we met, and we went together. I hadn't known when I'd asked her that she was dating a mutual friend of ours, and had more or less just figured out I was interested in dating her when asking if she wanted the extra ticket transpired. She and her boyfriend broke up briefly when he had job things take him from the Midwest to the Southeast, but have managed to make things work (and are serious enough even on long-distance terms that she's met his family a couple times). I like them both and want to continue to be friends with them both.So, last night, when she's complaining about her stress level, the first thing that goes through my mind runs to the effect of, "There are things I could offer to do to help you with that... but I'm not sure you or [boyfriend's name] would still be friends with me afterward." Maybe it's just being 2+ years since the last time I had sex; maybe it's wondering whether I would have had a chance if I'd met her a couple months earlier; maybe it's the "we're probably both moving so there wouldn't be much time for residual awkward"... in any event, I had to literally bite my tongue hard enough that I actually said "ow" to keep from saying anything.Being a mature adult sucks sometimes. via /r/datingoverthirty http://ift.tt/2rIAsfX